I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
