Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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