everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
