Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
