scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just gift wrapped bread.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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