Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
please come you make the beer taste better
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
