Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
