What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
