the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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