Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
