o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
