i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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