Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize