i would punch a child for taco bell
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
