Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
