Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
