is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
