highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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