i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
