I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
