I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
