I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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