i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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