moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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