woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
