i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
