I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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