Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
