Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just invented taco cereal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize