Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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