Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
