I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
