So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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