new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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