My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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