we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize