dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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