sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
