school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
