Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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