I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
