yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
