My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
