IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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