You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
