Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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