There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
