no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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