I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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