I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
