Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
