when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize