you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
