I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize