I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
