i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
