Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
