we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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