Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
