You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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