hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
