so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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