you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
