when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
