I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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