I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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