i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
