i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
