You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
