Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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