He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
