nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
