break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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