Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ketchup is God's man juice
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
