We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize